The Five Weeks

October, 1994 - After the Lemonade Stand I answered an ad for the Scenic Arts Department at Sea World. I was interviewed, I showed my portfolio and was hired immediately. This was the part of the process that took the least amount of time. The day I started was the first of two days of orientation, testing, training and certifying. First they took me to the wardrobe department. There I was issued my three pairs of khaki pants and my green shirts - this particular green being the uniform of a temporary scenic arts worker, not a full timer, supervisor or department head. I was photographed and issued my ID badge. Then I was handed a twenty page booklet of procedures, rules and regulations to read before I was tested on it. After the test, I was given a booklet about safety. The test for that included demonstrating the use of a fire extinguisher. Then I went over to the vehicle department for my written test and driving test to be issued my Sea World Driver's License so I could drive the golf carts and other vehicles around the park and even off property! Ooooh!


So in the afternoon of day two I was taken two miles over to the off-site Scene Shop and introduced to Drayton Knox, the shop foreman. I was told not to use any of the tools there because I had not yet been certified for tool use on Sea World property. I was not allowed to use my own tools or even get them out of the car. Drayton introduced me to his girlfriend, the primary scenic artist on the project. I haven't been able to conjure her name.

She showed me the scene she was working on, a Mardi Gras themed backdrop twelve feet high by twenty four feet wide. It was going to Cypress Gardens, another Anheuser Busch owned park, for their new water ski show. Suddenly I came to understand that they needed a scenic artist, not a scenic carpenter. I thought back on my interview. The HR guy was looking at my portfolio and asking me if I had done the painting on each piece I'd built - some yes and some no. Evidently the HR guy knew they needed someone to paint, but didn't understand the difference between a painter and a scenic artist. Now what? So I took up a brush, ready to launch my career as a scenic artist.

The department head came by to meet me and see how I was doing. I saw him take Drayton aside ant talk to him before going back to Sea World. Drayton told me that the boss wanted me gone and replaced with a real scenic painter ASAP, but Drayton talked him into keeping me to work on other parts of the job.

Meanwhile, once a week, the Scenic Arts Department had the job of pressure washing the algae, rust and mildew from the inside and outside the Sea Lion And Otter Stadium. Every other week, the crew included me. On that Wednesday morning we started at 5:00, which gave us four hours to saddle up, get there, break out the technology, squirt the rust stains with a dissolver, wash the walls and floors, put away the technology, touch up the paint wherever needed and get out before the park opened. The usual day for our department was 6:00 to 2:30. On pressure wash day it was 5:00 to 1:30. I loved it!

The best part for me was being around the critters. I'd be walking through the park with a bucket of paint, and all manner of mammals and birds would watch and/or follow me as I passed their tanks and/or pools. I could hear them wondering, "Whatcha got in the bucket there, champ?" The best one, though, was the morning I was wandering the Sea Lion And Otter Stadium with the squirt bottle of rust dissolver - squirt squirt... squirt squirt... and I came to a door back inside the stadium set. It was pushed almost closed, but not latched. I grabbed the knob and pulled it open - there about two feet from my face was the two foot diameter face of the show's walrus! We both cried out. I closed the door.

When the street scene was done and we had painted in the sky, I finally figured out the crux of the HR mixup. The whole backdrop was getting a clear coat over the artwork, and glitter on the clear coat. Drayton told me that I knew glitter, that that was what he had told HR, that the new hire had to have experience with glitter. Welllll, I'm your man! A glitterist from way back! I taught Drayton and his girlfriend the basics of glitter (not rocket science!) and finally earned my keep.

The last week of my temporary job was spent disassembling the backdrop (still not certified on tools,) loading it onto the truck, riding down to Cypress Gardens with the rest of the department, and reassembling the Mardi Gras scene on their barge. Of course, we couldn't work on it during water ski shows, so we were condemned to sitting behind the set of the old show while young physically fit cuties pie skied in to shore, ran behind the set, peeled off their costumes, slapped on the next costumes and skied back out to the middle of the lake again. Ah, Show Biz!

When we were finished, I was no longer a Sea World employee. They had me drive a company van back to headquarters. Everyone was stopping at a restaurant they knew for lunch on the way back, but I didn't want any part of this farewell. I just drove on back, checked in the vehicle, changed into my civvies, turned in my uniforms and ID badge and went home. I never heard from anyone at Sea World ever again.